Thursday, April 29, 2010

My callused heart

This almost 2wks old.

I originally wrote this in an emotional state. Now after a few days have past, and with the help of some amazing friends and My club family, I feel compelled to come back and touch up this writing.

I know I haven't always been kind in what I have written, but it's only because I did everything from My heart. That was the old Diosa. Thanks to therapy and Amen for meds :o) I have shed My old skin, and emerging a much stronger soul.

So I guess in retrospect I have to thank all of the people who ever hurt Me. My rapist, My children fathers, those girls back in high school who use to jump Me after school for being punk rock...

I am a Phoenix, emerging once again from the ash...

A lot of changes have been made to this next part, plz read on....

Today is another new beginning....My wife left Me, divorced Me via an email. I guess I should be lucky it wasn't a text or a post it, LOL. But shocking as it may seem and contrary to My reactions in the past, I'm not heart broken, nor do I want to cut. I take My meds, and I am doing fine.

My heart has been broken soooooooooooooooo many times by her, that it now has calluses.

Thanks for f#cking Me over so many times in the past. Breaking My heart and letting Me down and always walking away when the tough got going. And now... it doesn't matter that you choose to walk away again...

This will be the LAST time I promise Myself that!!! A weight has been lifted off My shoulders. As for My heart.... It gets locked away tightly guarded, safe and untouchable.

I will gladly take My aggression out on the garden...

HFP thats what I am!!

(HFP=Happy Face People)


I was relaxing at the WBMC last night, and got to thinking about all that went down yesterday. I couldn't help think about My oldest son's dad who took his own life almost two yrs ago. Devastating My son...

This situation kinda reminds Me of that, weird I know, but I NEVER claimed to be normal. Normality is highly over rated.

I think of his dad as a coward for not having the balls to man up and be a TRUE father to his two children. Now I think of her as a coward too, for not having the balls or back bone to stay and fight for the person who loved her completely and tried to change My life and the people in it to fit her. I won't make that mistake again!!

But hey, what can I do??? I'm going to keep going to therapy, because I am really liking the person I am becoming, and stay on My meds.

So I am dusting off the dirt, and keeping My head held high. I am a hell of a woman, and an amazing Domme....slaves are a dime a dozen... I am NOT!!


Garden is looking GOOD!! :o)

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