Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Monday, June 28, 2010
I don't think friends should play around with others ex. Granted him and I parted ways, but I think it is still taboo. Maybe this was all part of his plan, after all I didn't know him 'that' well. I only asked him to be My mentor for her, because they were close.
My local bdsm community is so two faced, and it makes Me sick. I use to live by one rule: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Makes Me wonder why I continually try to be a good person, when others are just looking for a way to FUCK Me over.
Those days are over!!
Monday, June 7, 2010
Why...why, why?? God I wish I knew the answers or even the how to find the solutions that would help. I have been FORCED into a life that I can't stand. Feels like there is no escape...Not for Me anyway...is this it, am I doomed??
I know what I don't want...to be a weekend wife, a fuck buddy, the house cook...the mediator for everyone around Me. I don't want empty promises... I don't want to be used, ignored, taken for granted, or over looked.
I want to run away, I want to be somebody else. I want to lay in a bath tub full of blood. I want... I want to be important to somebody.. I want to feel loved...
I want this fucking body to not betray Me... I want to be young and active again...I want to be consumed by passion and swept off My feet by love. A love that is unconditional in every sense. Not one that tries to change you but embraces you for who you are.
I am so terrified that My life is just this...just a sad pathetic shell of what I would like it to be....I wish I could just turn off My heart....or make others see if for the true beauty that it is...
A huge part of Me just wants it all to end, no more pain, no more disappointment, no more wanting some one who doesn't want Me.... Just an end to a seemingly pointless life.
Monday, May 17, 2010
without imagining storms
how would think
if the boat was my hope
And although the tide was very strong
I never lost my strength
I gave it my best
and the time the experience has left me
I loved what I could love
enjoyment of all in abundance
I enjoy life and I've never denied anything
I'm someone who learned to live
so without mysteries
need a moment to love
and forget what I have to forget
It was better that way
I never reproach
I have a heart to face me drunk Illusion
dreams that illuminates my senses
forces to build castles
I wanted to be as
and no one controls the soul
Love as I love ...
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
A local friend sent this to Me....This is for My brother Kevin Scott Varga on Death row in Texas. He has until May 12th, 2010 to live, before the Texas Death Machine claims another life.
Do not stand by my grave and weep.
I am not there I do not sleep.
I am the thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on the ripened grain.
I am the gentle Autumn's rain.
When you awaken in the morning hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there.
I did not die.
~ A Hopi Indian Prayer~