Monday, June 7, 2010

Whats wrong with Me...???

I've been in a funky mood the last few days...God I want to cut so badly, am yet to find the courage to do so. I've been laying in bed for hours crying...picking out all the things in My life that I hate. The list grows longer and longer.

Why...why, why?? God I wish I knew the answers or even the how to find the solutions that would help. I have been FORCED into a life that I can't stand. Feels like there is no escape...Not for Me this it, am I doomed??

I know what I don't be a weekend wife, a fuck buddy, the house cook...the mediator for everyone around Me. I don't want empty promises... I don't want to be used, ignored, taken for granted, or over looked.

I want to run away, I want to be somebody else. I want to lay in a bath tub full of blood. I want... I want to be important to somebody.. I want to feel loved...

I want this fucking body to not betray Me... I want to be young and active again...I want to be consumed by passion and swept off My feet by love. A love that is unconditional in every sense. Not one that tries to change you but embraces you for who you are.

I am so terrified that My life is just this...just a sad pathetic shell of what I would like it to be....I wish I could just turn off My heart....or make others see if for the true beauty that it is...

A huge part of Me just wants it all to end, no more pain, no more disappointment, no more wanting some one who doesn't want Me.... Just an end to a seemingly pointless life.


  1. I LOVE you and I am present in your have listened, comforted, consoled, advised and soothed my pain, eased my mind, dried my tears.
    I will try to do the same for you.
    You are loved. We make walk individually, but NEVER alone.

  2. There is nothing wrong with you, dear. Nothing

  3. I can only show my love, support and friendship from afar though it would be nice to be able to give you a big hug. I am here for you as you are for me.