How did I get here....

How did I get here again

where the blood flows so swiftly

I told you I wasn't sure if I was ready

you enticed Me anyway

55 things about Me

55 Things about Me

1. I worked at Interlochen Nation Music Camp back in the summer of ‘84. I was in a terrible car accident heading back up north one weekend, where My head went through the wind shield.

2. I am a mother to two wonderfully strong young men.

3. I have been a professional cook for over 25yrs.

4. My favorite foods to cook is Mexican and Southern

5. I have been to the top of Pike’s Peak in Colorado

6. I love camping

7. I grew up on the back of a motorcycle. Mom had a bike, I’ve been riding since I was 6yrs old.

8. I’ve been to the Womyn’s Festival in Hart, Michigan

9. I love laying in bed with the boys watching karate movies and munching on snacks.

10. I am 420 friendly

11. I love to create new dishes, food is a passion of Mine.

12. I love country boys and country music

13. Going to concerts is one of My favorite things to do.

14. I love PBR (Professional Bull Riders-not the beer)

15. I suffered a terrible spinal injury back in ‘04 that left Me in bed for 18months. Which I had no outside family help with, so My boys skipped school a lot to stay home and take care of Me.

16. I have 3 pairs of cowboy boots

17. I collect concert t-shirts

18. We use to raise Great Danes when I was younger, and would show them in AKC shows.

19. I grew up in a lesbian lifestyle, I have never seen My mom with a man.

20. I love bubble baths, with rose petals is even better.

21. What doesn’t kill Me, makes Me stronger.

22. I believe in karma

23. I am obsessed with Vampires

24. I’m addicted to tattoos, My newest one is Vampire bite marks on My neck.

25. I dream of a Poly house, and My own dungeon.

26. I am not shy about who and what I am. Like it or lump it.

27. I love to read. Romance, erotica, and anything by Anne Rice.

28. I can be romantic and gentle, but why bother when being sadistic is so much more fun.

29. I have a thing for blood

30. I use to have a corset piercing on My chest

31. I’m teaching Myself how to play guitar

32. I had a job cutting down trees one summer

33. I use to work in a slaughter house on the kill floor. We knocked on an average of 1200 cows a day.

34. I have a very perverse sense of humor

35. I stared college 3 months after having a cervical spinal fusion.

36. I graduated from college in ‘06 with a degree in Massage Therapy

37. I’m expecting My first grandson the first part of January 2011.

38. I am fiercely loyal when it comes to My friends. If they need help hiding a body, they know I’m the girl with the shovel

39. I have the best friends on the planet

40. I belong to WBMC of Kalamazoo (Wild Bunch Motorcycle Club)
Being property in a men’s club is a big pill for Me to swallow

41. I love the sound of My children laughing

42. I love gardening, and always have fresh vegetables and flowers in the summer and fall months

43. I need more land

44. Back in the 80’s I was very punk rock and looked like Sid Vicious

45. I use to be a skater girl

46. I have been nude modeling since I was 16

47. I love hiking

48. I’m a cutter, but have NOT cut in over 9months

49. I use to live in Ludington, 5 blocks from lake Michigan

50. I was in a very abusive relationship for almost 7 yrs. My children witnessed a lot of it.

51. My mouth does not have a filter (Beware!!) Not true, only about half of what I think actually makes it out of My mouth.

52. Spent one summer working odd jobs. Had to use a jack hammer and break up a in ground pool, and filled it in with dirt.

53. I am a natural blonde.

54. I firmly believe that cowgirls need more than an 8 second ride.

55. I am terrified of heights. (Like it really freaks Me out!!)

Bike ride

"Are you staying for breakfast?" i ask from the kitchen.

"Nah", grunts back the reply as he lumbers out.

That's probably good, i thought to myself. He provided my Goddess with some fun that she seemed to enjoy last night and he did have a nice cock. However, i doubted that my Diosa would have any future interest him. i finished cooking breakfast and placed it on a tray.

i knocked on Diosa's open door and she beckoned me in. "Good morning my Diosa. i have brought you breakfast."

"Good morning My pet. Put it on the table. you are a good boy". She smiled as she reached under the tray and gave my cock and balls a firm squeeze of ownership". It’s a beautiful day outside. Get the bike ready."

i nodded "wonderful idea Diosa. Shall i prepare a picnic lunch for us?" i prepared to take my leave.

"Yes, that is a nice idea but first come to me My pet. i am not quite awake and want your help getting Me up and ready." Her hand reached out for mine. She pulled me towards her by the hand then let go and reached for my head. Placing her hand behind my head with one hand and pulling back the covers with the other, she guided me into her bed. Her right hand grasped my hair and she pulled my head down between her legs. She lay back in full relaxation.

i knew my duty all too well. It was a fantastic way to wake my Goddess to begin her day. i loved starting her day this way. my tongue and mouth began licking and sucking on her as she had taught me. Her pussy quickly responded and opened like a flower. its wetness like the morning dew. i served her with my own hunger. She was delicious. The arching rhythms of her body told me that i was performing well. i lost time as i brought her much pleasure. Then she squeezed her thighs around my head to indicate that she was done with me for now. i raised my head and wet face.

Nice, very nice My pet. Now go run my bath while i eat my breakfast".

i went into the bathroom and ran a hot tub for my beautiful Goddess. The tub was full by the time she finished her breakfast and entered the bathroom. i stood naked ready to greet her. i undressed her and helped her into the tub.

"My hair first", she directed.

i poured warm water over her head to wet it and then began to apply shampoo. i massaged her scalp as i worked the soap into her lovely hair. After rinsing it of shampoo, i applied a conditioner.

She had such wonderful hair and i needed to keep it well maintained. She teased me with it all the time. Many a time i would feel the sting of her crop, or the pinch of a clamp, or smart of hot wax then i would feel the softness of her hair brush over my body and take away all the pain. The fresh smell of her hair had a similar effect. i could always smell her hair as she approached me from behind to take her pleasures of me.

"Good boy", she exclaimed as i rinsed away the conditioner. "Now proceed with my torso".

i rinsed her shoulders and chest with warm water and then proceeded to sponge her shoulders. After washing them, i massaged them deeply. my Diosa relaxed back into the tub as i worked her muscles. Next i sponged her beautiful breasts. Her lovely nipples grew hard with my touch. "Kiss them", Diosa directed. i obeyed without hesitation. As i kissed them, she reached out from under the soap bubbles and with one hand she brought my face into her bosom. She slipped her other hand out and reached between my legs. Diosa took my cock and balls in her grip and massaged them hard between her fingers. i continued to suck her nipples until she pushed my head away and released my genitals.

"Play with yourself for Me while I soak", she commanded. i stood at the foot of the tub and took myself in my hands. i stroked my cock to it's full thickness. Diosa's smile suggested she was amused. i played my balls and stroked my cock's length for her. my breathing quickened.

"May i please cum for You my Diosa?", i begged.

"No, come back to me. You haven't finished bathing me".

i returned to edge of the tub. Picking up the sponge, i washed her tummy and continued down her body. While i had thoroughly cleaned her pussy with my mouth earlier in the morning, i still gave it a thorough wash. My erection began to ach as i continued bathing the rest of her body. i brought her bath robe and opened it wide for her to put on.

She squeezed my cock firmly, "you are a good boy. Get the bike ready while I dress."

"The bike is ready my Diosa", i said as i entered her chamber.

"Good. I am ready. Now you get ready too. Put these on." Diosa tossed her boy a pair of her red panties. "Let me see how you look in them.

Quickly i dropped my jeans and boxer shorts. As i stepped out of them my Diosa approached me. With one hand she grasped my cock and with the other she gave me a hard smack across my bottom. "Bend over across the bed" she instructed. i felt she open the cheeks of my bottom "hold them open for me". i held them wide apart and then felt her greasy fingers penetrate me. i breathed in deeply as she opened me inside. Then i felt the solid plastic replace her fingers. Diosa twisted and turned it into me. It felt like about three inches deep and wide. "you will ride with this plug in Your ass. Now get changed before i bring your firm ass to the same shade as the panties."

Soon i was dressed and we were both outside. Diosa climbed on the motorcycle and with her nod, i climbed on behind her, somewhat awkwardly. i loved going for rides with her like a dog enjoys a walk with his master. i held on around her waist as she steered out on the street. It was a beautiful sunny day.

W/we were soon into the country and traveling through farm fields. Riding behind her was very arousing. i felt like her bitch and everybody who saw us knew it. She loved it too. The combination of the engine between our legs and holding on to her stimulated us both. As i thought how lucky i was, Diosa turned down a dirt road toward a secluded river bank where she brought the bike to a stop.

"Lay out the blanket over there by the willow tree". i spread it out and poured a glass of wine. "Thank you" as she took the glass from me and sat on the blanket. "Undress for me, down to your panties", she smiled. Handing me Her knife, "cut me a willow branch". i did as i was told and brought it to her. She whittled away the leaves and bark to make her switch.
Diosa lay back comfortably on the blanket in our secluded spot by the river and the big willow. On one side of her lay her carefully carved willow switch. On the other side she had stacked several of the smaller branches that she had whittled away in making the switch. She picked these ones up and walked to the river. She rinsed and soaked them thoroughly making them as nimble a cord. Then she returned to her seat on the blanket.

i had watched in silence and with curiosity. Diosa beckoned me towards her. "Undress to your panties", she directed. Obediently, i complied. "Stand in front of Me My pet, don't make Your Goddess have to reach". Diosa lowered my panties to the top of my thighs and took my cock in her hand. "Don't wiggle", she reminded me as she gave a deliberate twist of my cock.

Holding my cock at its base in one hand, she took the first nimble branch and tied it around the base behind the balls, the second one was tied with equal care to separate and raise the balls. The third and fourth were wrapped around the shaft. Her weave of skinny wet branches were tied as a cage around my limber dick. "Let's see how it all fits when you are full my pet". Diosa gently stroked my cock and balls. "your cock, actually My cock is beautiful. I love it", said Diosa. She slowly kissed and licked it inside of its woven cage. my cock thickened to its full strength and in so doing filled the cage. Its flesh pressed against the branches to be released.

"Diosa smiled. She was very pleased with her work. "Now, down on all fours for me", she ordered. i quickly obeyed. "Don't let that plug slip out of your ass", she reminded me. It was then that she picked up her hand made switch. Slowly and deliberately she planted it across my ass bringing intense stings of pain. i focused on keeping the plug inside me, knowing that if i lost it that punishment would be forthcoming. Diosa continued to stimulate my flesh as she dragged and swiped her switch across me. When she was satisfied with the beauty of my redness, she pulled the plug from my ass. "hmmm, a nice gaping hole for my next pleasure", she teased.

Within a few moments, i felt her hands separate the cheeks of my sore ass. The front of her lovely thighs pressed into the back of mine. The tip of her strap-on had replaced the plug. Diosa penetrated me slowly until she was well inside. Then grasping my hips as she thrust forward, she finished her penetration and entered me deeply. Her powerful stroked were deep and determined. i cried out in submissive pleasure "yes...oh yessss....ohhhh yessss....my Diosa..my Diosa... take me...take me pleeeesse....make me Your bitch....yesssss....my Diosa". She responded with equal energy and enthusiasm as she came to a great series of climaxes. my ass had served her well. She dismounted me and i struggled to regain my breath.

my breath came back quickly and i began to stand. i was stopped by Diosa hand in the small of my back. "I didn't tell you to get up. Now back down on your knees and stretch your arms forward". i obeyed. "Higher, raise your ass higher for me". As i lifted it for her, i suddenly felt the butt plug re-enter me. That was followed by a hard slap across my bottom as Diosa pulled my panties up. "Now get up and get dress, we have a long ride back home."

Soon W/we were under way. i held on to my Diosa waist. i knew she must feel my body pressed into her back as we rode as one. The engine between our legs stimulated us both. We were eager to get home. i hoped i would earn a release from my Goddess as my ball were laden with cum. i kept my focus on the plug as the vibrations threatened it to slide free. i knew if i lost it there would certainly be no release and more likely a sound cropping for my weak try.

i managed to keep it in place as we entered the driveway. The ride had indeed aroused my Diosa. As i unlocked the door for her, she grabbed my shoulders and pushed me up against the wall. She turned my head and Her mouth was upon mine. Without hesitation she drove her tongue into my mouth and kissed my deeply. Then She immediately directed me upstairs with an evil wink and dirty smile.

"Undress, i have a gift for you my pet." i dropped my clothes fast and stood before her naked. She now held a small box, about the size of a shoebox. "Open it" she said as she handed it to me. At first i thought it was a dildo as i pulled it out.

"Oh my Goddess...thank you" as i realized it was the cock cage that she had previously described. i was suddenly both excited and scared.

"Lie down on the bed" she ordered. "On your back". She knelt next to me and attached it to my growing cock. "I am going to use your tool for the pleasure it was intended. this will enable You to perform in both the manner and level that I expect of you."

She undressed herself. Her magnificent pussy was already very wet. She climbed over me wiping it over my face and leaving a wet streak for me to savor. Then she slid onto me. At first she rode slowly as she worked in it and took a strong position over me. Then her ride increased. i tried to meet her powerful thrusts and move to her rhythm. Her body was alive. She dug her nails into my shoulders as she sought greater leverage. Her breasts pumped and heaved as her red hair flew wildly. i bucked to meet her stride. Her mouth kissed and nipped at my face and neck. She drove herself harder and faster on me. The power and strength of her movement and body were incredible. Her thighs clamped tightly and her nails ripped my flesh as she reached orgasms in extraordinarily sequence. Exhausted and beautiful, she flipped her hair from her eyes and climbed off of me.

"you were a very good ride; especially as it was your virgin cage ride. I am very pleased with you my pet. you do have great promise".

"Please my Diosa ... please, please may i cum for You, my Diosa", i begged.

She ignored me as she climbed off my caged cock. She turned towards my feet and sat down on my face. i obediently began to lap away her wetness.

Diosa rocked back and forth on her boy's face. With each movement she ground her pussy into his face. his mouth was alive, performing as she had trained him. His tongue probed, messaged, and licked her pussy. Het wetness was constant and he consumed it as it formed.

She leaned forward and released his cock from its confines. Then revived it in her hand. It was quick to respond and appeared undamaged from its ordeal. It had withstood a very energetic and power riding.

Amused with its recovery, she leaned back. Now she focused on riding his face. She felt the wave of orgasm build within her. She thrust into his mouth and the wave crashed through her. She through her head back and released the energy in her lungs.

She climbed off his face. Like the cock, she wondered if it would be quick to recover. His skin was red, his eyes teared, and was flesh glistened with her juices that he had failed to swallow. She wiped his face with the sheet. She smiled and rolled over onto her back.

"Come to me" she said as she propped herself up on her elbows. "Climb on to my leg". i did as i was told. "As you are such a good little pet, I'm going to let you hump my leg like the doggy you are. I might even let you cum for me".

i positioned myself on her lovely leg. my cock was pressed into her thigh. i wrapped my hands around her waist. i nestled my head into her bosom. my eyes met hers and her smile told me to begin.

i humped her. my cock sliding over her thigh. it was thick and hard now. my balls were laden with a full of sexual teasing. "Please my Diosa...please may i cum for You."

She raised her knee into my ass. Her motion slid me forward on her thigh. "Now...now..cum for me this instant" she ordered.

i arched my back and pressed forward. i had no hesitation. i looked to her eyes and her eyes peered down to the head of my cock. Thick white gobs of cum spurted forward. Several streams followed with each thrust along her thigh. my cum splattered over her pubic area, pussy, and inner thighs.

i looked back up to her. Diosa had an evil grin. She ran her fingers through my hair. "you did a good release for your Diosa". her fingers made a second pass through my hair only this time she clenched a handful of it. She pulled me by the hair and pulled me of of her. She yanked my head down. "Now boy...clean me,,,clean every drop. i want you to lick me clean. unless you want a beating, be quick about it".

i immediately lapped up the drops on her thighs, then proceeded to the thick mess that had accumulated in her pubic area. Lastly, i lapped the lips of her pussy. As i prepared to raise my head, Diosa forced it back into her pussy. "You are done when i say you are done. Lick me, my bitch". Diosa held my face in place as she rocked, rolled, and bucked into a repetitive orgasmic stream. Eventually, her muscles relaxed and a slap across the top of my head indicated that i could come up.

"I am tired" she said. "Massage my shoulders until I fall asleep. It’s supposed to be another sunny day tomorrow. I might want to go for another bike ride."

Torn

While browsing FetLife the other day I noticed something on My ex mentor's page, he is considering a slave....My ex wife. Maybe it's just Me, but I think thats pretty fucked up and under handed.

I don't think friends should play around with others ex. Granted him and I parted ways, but I think it is still taboo. Maybe this was all part of his plan, after all I didn't know him 'that' well. I only asked him to be My mentor for her, because they were close.

My local bdsm community is so two faced, and it makes Me sick. I use to live by one rule: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Makes Me wonder why I continually try to be a good person, when others are just looking for a way to FUCK Me over.

Those days are over!!

Whats wrong with Me...???

I've been in a funky mood the last few days...God I want to cut so badly, am yet to find the courage to do so. I've been laying in bed for hours crying...picking out all the things in My life that I hate. The list grows longer and longer.

Why...why, why?? God I wish I knew the answers or even the how to find the solutions that would help. I have been FORCED into a life that I can't stand. Feels like there is no escape...Not for Me anyway...is this it, am I doomed??

I know what I don't want...to be a weekend wife, a fuck buddy, the house cook...the mediator for everyone around Me. I don't want empty promises... I don't want to be used, ignored, taken for granted, or over looked.

I want to run away, I want to be somebody else. I want to lay in a bath tub full of blood. I want... I want to be important to somebody.. I want to feel loved...

I want this fucking body to not betray Me... I want to be young and active again...I want to be consumed by passion and swept off My feet by love. A love that is unconditional in every sense. Not one that tries to change you but embraces you for who you are.

I am so terrified that My life is just this...just a sad pathetic shell of what I would like it to be....I wish I could just turn off My heart....or make others see if for the true beauty that it is...

A huge part of Me just wants it all to end, no more pain, no more disappointment, no more wanting some one who doesn't want Me.... Just an end to a seemingly pointless life.

Her song...

I set out to sea
without imagining storms
how would think
if the boat was my hope
And although the tide was very strong
I never lost my strength

I gave it my best
and the time the experience has left me

I loved what I could love
enjoyment of all in abundance
I enjoy life and I've never denied anything

I'm someone who learned to live
so without mysteries
need a moment to love
and forget what I have to forget

It was better that way
I never reproach
I have a heart to face me drunk Illusion
dreams that illuminates my senses
forces to build castles

I wanted to be as
and no one controls the soul

Love as I love ...

~ A Hopi Indian Prayer~

A local friend sent this to Me....This is for My brother Kevin Scott Varga on Death row in Texas. He has until May 12th, 2010 to live, before the Texas Death Machine claims another life.

Do not stand by my grave and weep.

I am not there I do not sleep.

I am the thousand winds that blow.

I am the diamond glint on snow.

I am the sunlight on the ripened grain.

I am the gentle Autumn's rain.

When you awaken in the morning hush,

I am the swift uplifting rush

of quiet birds in circled flight.

I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry.

I am not there.

I did not die.

~ A Hopi Indian Prayer~